Letting Go of Perfect

This week has been rough for me. I haven't been sleeping well and for whatever reason I've been irritable and emotional. Two words I hate to describe myself as. I was almost at a breaking point last night. I hated the way I felt and my lack of motivation to change my attitude. My sweet husband kept asking what he could do to make my life easier, and that added a whole other pile of guilt onto my shoulders. He had already taken Amelia to the library after working all day so I could go to the gym, then cleaned up dinner while I put her to bed. I just kept thinking "this is not me", which made me more upset. This morning I went to my mom's group at church. Thank God for the wonderful women in my life who are always such an encouragement and reminder that I'm not the only one who gets in a rut here and there. The entire way home I felt God speaking to my heart. Everything that was overwhelming me began to fall off my shoulders. I felt peace for the first time in a week. He also began to provide clarity on what was causing such stress and discontentment. Some of it I have solutions for and some I don't. Sometimes we just have to hand it over to God and ask Him to carry our burdens, because we can't do it alone. So here is what was keeping me down this week...
1. I'm a perfectionist and everything I do I try to do with perfect in mind. It gets overwhelming. And the answer is this: I'M NOT PERFECT! And I don't have to be. I need to let some things go and prioritize what is most important. And its not a perfectly clean and beautiful home. It's not having the perfect, healthy diet. It's not being the picture perfect mom. It's not being in amazing shape physically. It's not having a perfectly balanced budget. It is being a good mom (notice I didn't say perfect), having time for my husband, unhurried time with God, investing in relationships, and letting everything else fall into place, even if it doesn't fall perfectly.
2. I feel the need for accomplishment. Its human nature. And as much as I LOVE staying home with Amelia, I'm going to be completely honest when I say its hard to find a feeling of accomplishment in that. A measurable accomplishment anyway. This is hard to articulate because of course I know I am accomplishing so much in her life by teaching her, loving her and guiding her, but in the day to day its hard to see and measure. And of course I accomplish many other household tasks, but I've accomplished laundry every single day for years. After awhile it doesn't feel very gratifying to wash and put away clean clothes. I'm just saying. So this one I don't have an answer for. I haven't quite figured out how to feel accomplished doing the same tasks every single day. But going forward I am going to try to remind myself of the importance of my role in Amelia's life. I'm going to ask the Lord to remind me of my purpose in Him and of His purpose for my life.
3. When I start to get burned out, I check out. When I'm exhausted and lacking sleep, I lose motivation. Its like a downward slope. When I get on this slope, I know I need to spend more time in His word and praying about how I feel. My excuse is that I'm too emotionally and physically drained. I have nothing left in me to deal with my own emotions and heart. Answer:  “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest." ~Matthew 11:28

We are not perfect in our own image, we are perfect in God's image. So let Him be the reminder of who we are. Don't let other things define you or seek accomplishment elsewhere! It will never be fulfilling. I can tell you from experience!