Christmas Traditions

The day I became a mother my life changed. It took on a greater meaning. Life is no longer all about me. Its about sacrifice. And a lot of it! But its rewarding in a way I never could have imagined. For that I am grateful for the endless days of sacrifice.

I could go on for hours about all the ways my life has changed. How some things just don't matter anymore and others matter so much more. How I take in the small moments so much more because they are gone in a flash. Or how my heart is overjoyed far more by this tiny human being than anything else in the world. Yes, I could go on for hours! But what I want to talk about today is how having a baby has changed my perspective on holiday traditions. And since Christmas is right around the corner I will start there.

I had the best childhood! I didn't miss out on much! The tree was always surrounded by presents and stockings were filled to the brim. Though I suppose even more than the gifts I was blessed with always being surrounded by friends and family. Love never lacked in my home. EVER! And presents under the tree were just a small, fun way for my parents to show that love. And now as a mother, I believe that giving is far better than receiving. The joy you feel when they see those gifts... Priceless! I want this for Amelia! Who doesn't? But what I want even more than this is for her to know the REAL Christmas story. The purpose for this holiday. The joy behind it. The joy of a baby boy born to save the world. Yes friends, this is what matters. And this is what I want her to remember and celebrate.

So how do you do both? What traditions do you have in your home? How do you make the love for a baby boy born in a manger more important than the love for consumerism?

Acceptance

Every day I pray over Amelia. I pray for her well being, her safety, and I pray for her future. I pray for who I want her to be. The qualities I desire for her. For the relationship I want her to have with her Savior. Perhaps the quality I pray for most is that she would find her acceptance in the Lord and not from this world. That she would find her identity in Christ. That she would live for Him and not for people. And yet I find myself struggling with this very thing.

Daily I find myself worrying what other people think. And today especially I find myself asking God to forgive me for seeking acceptance from others over the acceptance that is freely given from my Father in Heaven. I am a daughter of the Almighty King. I am wanted and needed and loved. I was made by Him and for Him and nothing will fulfill my heart like He can. And the best part? I don't have to earn it! Nothing I can do could possibly be good enough to deserve His love and grace but He loves me anyway. And it is fulfilling and overwhelming and beautiful. 

Thank you, Lord, for making me perfectly in your image. For loving me even when I don't deserve it. Thank you that I can find my true identity in you. Because nothing this world offers will ever compare!

What is joy really

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind. Scratch that... This entire year!! From post childbirth complications that left me sicker than I have ever been, to my husband having a pulmonary embolism, and this week my sweet little girl getting croup. I haven't slept a full night in 8+ months. These past two weeks in particular I have been living on a few solid hours. The past few nights my husband and I have taken turns sitting with our 8 month old in a steamy bathroom trying to help her breathe better so she could get back to sleep. There is nothing more terrifying and heart breaking than watching your little girl feel so awful! Then on top of that the "love" was shared and now I'm sick too.

I was sort of at my wits end when I walked past some notecards I had written some verses on.
Romans 5:3-5
"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God poured out his love to fill our hearts."

I meditated on the character part. I started thinking about my mom and all that she has endured. Lost my dad when I was 13 and my sister was 11. She became both parents for us and did it so well. I believe the trials she endured produced character that still shows today. It's beautiful.

I guess I'm trying to say that I count it joy that God has deemed me strong enough to handle what he has allowed to come my way. And I pray that I can be patient even in these struggles as God transforms my character and makes me into a wife and mom that are pleasing to Him. And I truly count my blessings that we have made it through these struggles as a stronger family of 3. I'm blessed!

Romans 8:18-19
"The sufferings we have now are nothing compared to the great glory that will be shown to us. Everything God made is waiting with excitement for God to show His children's glory completely."

What if there was more love...

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15 ESV)

Wow these verses are beautiful. They depict an image of Christ's love so perfectly. Compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, patience, forgiveness. Traits I desire but often fail at. In my busy, self tuned world I often neglect these qualities I so desire. The qualities I desire for my daughter. To love others deeply. To have a servant's heart. To love my neighbor as myself. To give more than to take. And the command to forgive. It's not an option. What if Christ chose not to forgive me?
Lord, teach me to love like you love. Give me a heart like yours. Full of compassion and kindness. One of patience and one that is quick to forgive. And thank you, Lord, for sending your son who perfectly portrayed these traits. And who died to forgive me- an unworthy sinner. What a beautiful reminder of how much you love me.

Refine me in the flames...

These blog posts are mainly composed of things the Lord has been teaching me. Each morning my prayer is that the Lord will refine me, mold me and teach me to look more like Him. Lets just say... I'm the clay in the potter's hands. I'm not perfect and I mess up, but I rest in His unfailing grace and seek to live in righteousness. What an amazing God that He forgives us and renews us each day.

Recently a few different struggles have walked my path with me. Some I responded to well and others... maybe not so much. And its easy to say "I'm only human". But watching a fellow family in our church respond to struggles has really changed my perspective. For their privacy I won't get into the details, but what I will say is that I've never seen a family endure such a tragedy in such a beautiful, God honoring way. In every step they have praised God. They have given Him glory through it all. For in every circumstance, He is still God and God is good.

This verse from a song I love (below) has really stood out to me. "I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I have received I will sow." As Christians we will be attacked. The enemy hates that we are co-heirs with Christ. And he loves nothing more than to see us crumble under attack and in the struggles of life. What we don't realize is that we are being watched as we respond to these struggles. No one would blame this family for being angry, upset and frustrated at the situation (emotions I'm sure they've experienced and rightly so), but instead of acting on these emotions they have chosen to praise God. Because in everything He is good. In this fallen world filled with hardships, He is still God. Lord over everything. They realize that they are living for something bigger. Something eternal. And no weapon formed against us will remain.

Lord, may my life, even in my struggles, reflect your goodness. May I choose to praise you in the good and the bad and remember that YOU ARE GOD and in everything YOU ARE GOOD!! Make me a light in this fallen world.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

The Dessert Song
Hillsong

Chains are Broken

In church this past Sunday my daughter was worshipping with us (legs dancing, arms waving) as we sang these words...

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

It is truly incredible that the Lord is using my 6 month old to teach and encourage me and no doubly using her as a witness to others around us.

As I watched her I was reminded of what Jesus did for us on the cross. How God sacrificed His son to break the chains of sin and death and set our hearts free. And I was brought to tears as I watched my daughter worship with that truth. The Lord has broken her chains and she was free to dance and worship Her king.

What a beautiful thing it is to watch her. And what truly blesses my heart is this- She doesn't understand words. We haven't told her to worship. She just does. Her childlike faith is something we can all learn from. To ignore the world and let the Holy Spirit lead our hearts.

Amelia Grace, the Lord has a plan for your life. It is no mistake you are here and I'm so excited to watch you grow in your faith and lead others to Christ.

Waiting on God's Plans

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

I have been a mom for 6 months today! (Though I could argue for another 9 months because even before that sweet girl was here I loved her and worried just the same.)

In these past 6 months I have learned so much. I have grown spiritually in a way I could never have imagined. I have fallen more in love with my husband. I have slept less than any other 6 month period of my life. I have worried about someone more than any other person in my life. I have gained perspective on what truly matters in life. I have learned what it means to be truly selfless (if you need a lessen in this a baby will surely do the trick). Most of all I have experienced more happiness and pure joy than ever before.

For those who don't know, Luke and I spent 2 years battling infertility. We watched as many of our close friends and family got pregnant and had their beautiful babies. The Lord really used those two years to grow me. I always knew that God had a plan for that journey and a plan for the child that I prayed for constantly.

Looking back now, I am thankful for that journey. I am thankful for how He used that time to draw me to Him. To a deeper faith and trust in an all knowing, faithful God. He knew His plans to bless us with Amelia, but He also knew the perfect timing.

I'm not sure what struggles you are enduring today, but know that God is in control. And I don't say that lightly or without sympathy, as there were times I felt like I was in the pits of despair and that my prayers would never be answered. But remember that life doesn't stand still while you are waiting for an answer to prayer, and maybe He has something to teach you in the meantime.

"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

The Living Word

"Your word is a lamp to my feet

and a light to my path."

Psalm 119:105

My almost 6 month old daughter has decided the only way she likes to sleep is on her stomach. Oy. I know the experts say once they can roll over its okay to let them sleep on their stomachs, but boy oh boy do I worry about her. Sometimes I wait til she's sound asleep, then flip her back onto her back, but within minutes she rolls right back onto her stomach. This has led to sleepless nights for me. I lay there wide awake worrying she is going to put her face down and stop breathing (#firsttimemomproblems). It has become so bad that I wake up almost every hour (unintentional) just to put my hand on her back and make sure she is breathing. Last night I actually woke her up doing this. Oops. 

This can't continue!!

Lo and behold I open up the book I'm reading today (Prayer Warrior Mom- highly recommended) and the chapter today is about praying and memorizing scripture. This scripture stood out...

"He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge."

Psalm 91:4

We pray for Amelia every night before bed, but I'm so excited to start praying scripture over her. To claim the promises of God's word for protection as she sleeps. His word is living and powerful. My goal is to memorize scripture, particularly scriptures claiming His promises, to recite as I lay awake at night worrying about my daughter. Matthew 6:27 says "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?". So my hope is not only to make better use of these awake hours by reciting scripture, but that meditating on His word will bring me comfort and peace and a better nights sleep knowing the Lord has His hand on Amelia.

Break my heart for what breaks yours...

Rocking my daughter to sleep one morning I started praying... Lord help me... Lord give me... Lord... break me... for my sins. Lord break me for the lost. Lord break me for the hurts and needs of the world. Lord break me of my desires and give me the desires of YOUR heart...

This week I have indeed been broken. For a few things that I won't get into detail over, but I feel God nudging me and expressing to me His will for me to be broken and desperate in prayer for these needs. For relationships to be healed and restored. For the unbelievers I've chosen to pray for. For those around me who are overwhelmed by death, sickness, hurts, fears. 

My daughter, Amelia, is proof of the power of prayer. Two years ago today I was broken and on my knees, not knowing if I would get the opportunity to carry a child. I am so grateful for the prayer warriors in my life who prayed constantly. The Lord answers prayer. He delights in our prayers. He calls us to pray. And I don't for a second discount the hurts, fears, and brokenness around me (I have been there), but please don't forget the power of prayer. The power of the one who takes our hurts upon His own shoulders. Nothing is too big for our God. And might I challenge you to be a prayer warrior for someone around you today..

Who breaks the power of sin and darkness

Whose love is mighty and so much stronger

The king of glory, the king above all kings

 

Who brings our chaos back in order

Who makes the orphan a son and daughter

The king of glory, the king above all kings

This is amazing grace

This is unfailing love

That you would take my place

That you would bear my cross

You would lay down your life

That I would be set free

Jesus, I sing for

All that you've done for me

(Bethel Live- This is Amazing Grace)

Gaining Perspective

In case you're wondering, writing this blog is not easy for me. Correction: I love writing this blog- sharing it is hard for me. A million questions bombard me the second I hit "share". What do people think? Am I overstepping? Over sharing? But it comes down to this....

For the sake of the world burn like a fire in me

Light a flame in my soul for every eye to see

For the sake of the world burn like a fire in me

For every knee to bow down

For every heart to believe

For every voice to cry out

Burn like a fire in me

For every tongue to confess

You alone are the king

You are the hope of the world

Burn like a fire in me

(Bethel Live- For the Sake of the World)

The other day I got really down on myself. Am I pretty enough? Wealthy enough? Am I a good mom? I'm a horrible cook... I don't read enough... I could go on. So I turn on worship music (the song above comes on) and dance around with my beautiful daughter and I can't help but gain a little perspective. We are here for two reasons- to give glory to our Savior and to be disciples. So for the sake of the world, I will continue to write. And if one person is encouraged, I count this a win. 

Lord, for the sake of the world, burn like a fire in ME! For the sake of my daughter, burn like a fire in ME! For the sake of the lost, burn like a fire in ME! For the sake of bringing you glory, burn like a fire in ME!

What are you living for today?

The Power of a Solid Prayer Life

The other day I started thinking: if I had to pick one thing in my spiritual life to better, what would it be? The answer is my prayer life. I find all too often that my prayers are full of wants and needs, and often increase when things in my life are array. Don't get me wrong, God loves when we come to Him with our needs. In fact, Philippians 4:6 puts it very well.... "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." God doesn't see us as needy children, but is delighted by our willingness to ask and trust that He will meet our needs. However, look at that same verse but in a different translation... "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." In the first translation it is easy to skip over "with thanksgiving". In the second translation it is very clear.

I recently came across a blog that featured a bible study on prayer. The pastor who wrote it gave a fantastic "outline" on how to pray. I know it seems silly, but it very much enhanced my prayer life. It's called the ACTS method...
A- adoration: Tell the Lord how much you love Him. You don't do it nearly enough.
C- confession: Be restored to righteousness. James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
T- thanksgiving: Thank him for past blessings and in advance for future ones.
S- supplication: NOW you are ready to ask another favor!

(Credit where credit is due: gracethrufaith.com- a bible study by Jack Kelly)

The two I need to work on the most are adoration- taking unhurried time to praise Him, honor Him and love on Him- and confession- I'll be the first to admit I'm human and constantly fall short of the glory of God. But the beauty is this: 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

A few other thoughts:
- Our pastor recently encouraged us to make a list of 5-10 unbelievers and to pick a few to pray for DAILY! (Wow! To think I haven't been doing this just breaks my heart. After all we are here as disciples.)
- Pray for those "challenging" people in your life. There is no better way to change how you feel about a person than by praying for them.
- Pray with others. Matthew 18:19-20 "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

I've chosen to enhance my prayer life by incorporating the ACTS method, and by praying daily with my husband and daughter! Praying with Amelia has been such a blessing to me and I am so thankful for a husband who leads our family! (And sweet side note: While praying together as a family, Luke lays his hand on my arm. The other night, Amelia laid her hand against Luke's hand. Heart. Melting. Blessed!!)

Blessed

This morning as we were walking out of church, a lady walked up to us and told us how blessed we are. You see our daughter, Amelia, tends to capture the hearts of everyone around her. Particularly with her outwardly expression of joy (have you seen that smile?) and particularly on Sunday mornings during worship. I am convinced that the Lord of the universe has already captured the heart of my 5 month old daughter. There is no doubt in my mind that He is pursing her to know and love Him. So yes, my friends, we are blessed.

For reasons I can't seem to comprehend, the Lord has chosen me to be Amelia's mom. He gave me the responsibility to love, nurture and guide her. I feel immensely inadequate. But that's the beauty of our God. His desire to use ordinary people such as myself to further his kingdom. To make disciples. To love the unlovable. To bring hope to the world. And to raise His children. The gravity of that last one has recently been heavy on my heart. Let me tell you why...

From our first moments on this earth to our last, we are influenced by many things. Some of our first influences having a lasting impact for the years ahead. For it is written in Proverbs "start children off on the way they should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it." The brevity of this weighs deeply on my heart. And of all of the hopes and dreams I have for my daughter, they all come down to this. I want her to know and love God. To be a light in this dark world. To rise above the evil of our society. To be a friend to all. To love with the love of Jesus. To be strong in her faith and to be unwavered by mankind. In the midst of a fallen world, I pray the Lord would use her for good. That the conveniences of this world would not distract her. That she would live for something bigger. Something eternal.

I don't know why God chose to bless me as Amelia's mother, but I will thank the Him for her every day of my life. And I will not take this blessing lightly. I am determined, by grace and prayer, to raise her to seek the kingdom of God. I say by grace, because I am not perfect, nor do I expect to ever be. But God has laid the foundation of a Godly woman in Amelia and I am excited to help cultivate it. How blessed am I to have a piece in this journey.

Why this blog?

I tend to have trouble finding ways to share my faith. Not for lack of passion I assure you. In fact if you could see my heart, you would see it bursting at the seams with the desire to share my love for my incredible savior and the many ways he has blessed me. Maybe its my timid nature or the fear of overstepping. However, I was recently reminded we only have one life to give to God, and even that isn't enough. So my hope for this blog is to share some of the things God has been teaching me, challenging me with and a few of the many blessings He has sent my way. And maybe even to connect with others who share the same passion and can be an encouragement to find more ways to share my faith!