Dear Mia

Dear Mia, 
  Tonight before crawling into bed, I went and scooped you up out of yours and brought you into bed with me. You woke up just enough to wrap your arms around me. Tears seeped from my eyes. Sweet girl, you are growing up too fast.
  I realize more and more every day that I don't have all the answers. Sometimes I feel like a rock star mom, and sometimes I feel like a failure. In those moments of feeling like I failure I cling to the Lord and find new strength in Him. He reminds me I'm not a failure in His eyes, and that when we don't have it all together, it's the perfect opportunity to remember we need Him and His unfailing grace. It reminds us that in our weakness, He is strong. 
  I know that my job is to teach you. And sometimes that means being tough. I know it's good for you. But boy is it hard. When you want that extra chocolate, I hope you know deep down that I want to give you 3 more. In fact, I want to give you all the desires of your heart. And when you disobey, more than anything I want to take all the consequences from you so you never have to feel any pain. But sweet daughter, if you never feel pain, then you will never realize that you are human and that you need a savior. You will never be able to understand the cost of Jesus on the cross. It's ok that you aren't perfect. You will try I know, because you are full of love and have a kind heart, but sometimes you will fall, and when you do, sometimes I have to let you feel the pain. But in your pain you will find hope. You will find grace. You will find beauty. You will learn to cling to Jesus. 
  You are loved sweet girl. Probably more than you will ever truly know. And I know that even when I fail you, Jesus will cover it and redeem it and together we will draw closer to Him. 

Love, Mommy 

Holding onto Truth

Up until now, my perspective on protecting my child has revolved around her essential needs. Nourishing her with healthy foods, making sure she gets enough sleep, and protecting her from danger. It's not always easy, but at least it's somewhat of a given. A basic science. And something I was getting a hang of. A second nature. But my perspective was abruptly changed yesterday. We were at the park, and Amelia walked up to some kids making a sand castle and asked "can I help?". First of all, when did she get to be such a capable little person with the knowledge and understanding of playing with other children and the vocabulary to express her desires?!! To say she's growing up to fast is a complete understatement. Anyway, the little girl told her "NO" and turned away from her, taking her bucket and shovel with her. Thankfully, Mia barely seemed phased and was content to play next to her. I, however, was crushed for her. And that's when it hit me- no longer am I only concerned about her basic needs, but about protecting her from the world. From the negativity and hatred. From the evil all around us. And from something as simple as her getting her feeling hurt by other children on the playground. It crushed me. I felt immensely overwhelmed by this thought. Immediately I asked the Lord, "how can I possibly protect her from these things?". And that's when it hit me. The power of prayer. The power of God's truth. His word hidden in our hearts. My only job is to teach truth and love. To give her what she needs to go out in the world. And when that truth and love are tucked in her heart, God will use it to protect her. Will she get her feelings hurt? Yes! Will she be disappointed at times? Yes! It's part of the world we live in, but she can walk away knowing who she is and that she is loved by the creator of the universe. That she is His special, loved and wanted child. That she is desired. And when she is faced with hard decisions or put in a difficult position, she can choose righteousness because the word of God is hidden in her heart and it is alive and active and greater than any double edged sword. 

Amelia, this world will disappoint you. It has evil. But you, my beautiful child, can be a light in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation. Hold fast to God's truth. Keep it in your heart. And love others even when they don't love you. You are a beautiful light! Shine brightly my love! Others will see and take notice. And your Father in Heaven will hold you close with more love and admiration than any human could ever give!