My life is messy

This morning during worship at church I felt tears flooding down my cheeks. This happens often and I immediately try to hold them back. Not sure why exactly. I guess I want to seem like I have it all together. But the truth is I don't. And why should I ever be ashamed that worshipping my savior stirs up emotions that are sometimes too much to keep in.

Sometimes I feel like the thing we pride ourselves on having, we really don't have. Spiritual freedom. Yes we are free to worship. Yes we can be open about our faith. But are we? 

I'm speaking more for myself than anyone. The truth is, sometimes the idea of looking like I have it all together appeals to me more than the idea of being open about my messy, wonderful, emotional, beautiful and intimate walk with The Lord. But as I've been reminded lately, this morning in particular, there is a need to be open. Vulnerable. Approachable. And messy. If my life wasn't messy, I wouldn't need God. And if I'm not open about it, I'm missing opportunities to encourage, witness and love others. Sometimes being vulnerable is exactly what someone else needs to find strength. My messy story matters and if one person comes to faith by my testimony, that's all that really matters. 

So I'm not sorry for crying this morning. Because this morning my heart was overwhelmed by a God that rescued me when I couldn't rescue myself, and broken for those who haven't experienced the unconditional love of a savior.